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Clever title but let’s be real. This city is not handing out plastic bags like they used too. I can’t exactly line my bathroom trashcan with a paper bag. #vegantakeover

Anyways…..In a city defined by six packs and thigh gaps, it’s hard to tell who’s in the gym and who actually went to the plastic surgeon. BUT this post is definitely not about physical health, please I’d rather be at In-N-Out inhaling animal style anything. But more about “friendships”. What is a friend in a city full of fake?

Friends here can be tremendously difficult to make especially if you have nothing to offer. We’re in a dog-must-eat-first-before-you–eat society, and what does that mean? You scratch my back and I’ll consider dragging my nails across your bacne. Friends these days are more like trade makers bartering for conversation while silently scheming how much they can take and how less they can give. Remember one thing: everyone is replaceable.  

Be very careful with whom you share your life’s secrets with because most of the time we just want to hear how awful your life is to make ourselves feel a little better about waking up “on time” today. People in LA are selfish, so when you come across someone you vibe with take your time getting to know them. It’s just like dating. I mean this IS a relationship after all so don’t fold too quickly or you might just run out of people to go to happy hour with.

And your coworkers? They’re definitely talking (shit) about you. But who isn’t? They talk about you, you talk about them, we all talk about each other. It keeps the cycle of gossip going. We all love to talk about each other because it takes the focus off of actually talking about yourself and how you’re life is currently/has been going nowhere. We don’t care that you’re still living at your parents house, but at the same time we do. Doesn’t that make so much sense?

Don’t let the whispers of insecurity start to flood your own thoughts. We’re all insecure but how good are you at hiding yours? That’s the real key to happiness here.

You’re fake,

Kevin

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